A few words...

Hey all!
Just a note to say I am alive and functioning. I have so much to say, but not the time. I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. Anyway, we just finished another tour on the island, training is finally over, and I hopefully am going on my first fire tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes. Other than that, I ask that you be praying for me hard core right now. We all know I need prayer, lol, but seriously, there is a lot going on currently. There are a lot of ups and downs out on this job because I keep seeking pleasure outside of God. I haven't compromised, per se, but I certainly find myself looking to people or food or exercise or whatever instead of God when I am struggling with different emotions. It was funny (only not) the other day at college group because one of the guys said something to the effect of the hard parts of his week were the ones he was trying to act without God. Maybe that sounds obvious, but it hit me like a ton of bricks- one of those, "oh, duh" moments. I was/am trying so hard to rely on my own strength, and it is failing miserably. Of course things aren't going too well...... On top of that, I am wrestling over college decisions. It was so cool though, because the other day I wanted to go to church (IBC does a Sat. night service) but by the time I got off work, I knew I was going to be late. But, I finally decided just to go for it, and it was totally a God thing. The message that night was based on the story of Joshua and the Isrealites being decieved by the Gibeonites, who acted like they had travelled a long distance to seek a treaty with Isreal, when in fact they were one of the people God had wanted conquered. Needless to say, the Isrealites agreed without ever consulting God, and that didn't go over well. The main point was the human reasoning will always fail and we need to seek divine guidance. It was like the pastor was speaking directly to me. Suddenly, I realized how self-centered my college decision-making was. It was all focused around the question, "what do I want" when in fact, it should have been "where does God want me." Sure, I was praying about it, but it was more of a "God-show me the way between options A and B because both sound good but have some draw backs and I just can't decide" type of prayer. So, pray I would seek God's will above my own. So far, I only know of options A (NNU) and B (SCC) but God is known for option C, even though that makes me a little nervous. The truth is, the only question in my mind was about money, but with that sermon it really hit home that God truly would provide even if I couldn't see how. I always said He would, but over the last few months it has become more lip service than anything else. This whole week has been one of rediscovery, spiritually, and I pray God changes my heart and my focus, and that He truly brings me closer to Him, closer than I have been before. So, I apologize if this is a little helter-skelter, but that's kind of how life feels right now. Just pray for continued growth and dependence on GOd, and for openess to Him and His guidance.

Thank you,

Amanda